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Tuesday, June 21st 2005

8:47 PM

Some general thoughts about getting older, and stepping into new realities.

  • My Mood Meter: Reflective
  • Music on my Mind: Yesterday
  • Weather: Sunny and warm

Hi All:

Well, tomorrow I finish off the last of some things on the landscaping project I have been working on for the past month or so.  Think it came out pretty good, and will post a couple of pictures on the bottom of this post.  The owners are absolutely thrilled, so think that is the most important part of it all when it comes down to it.  We went to their wedding this past Saturday...lovely affair, and I doubled as a photographer and sent them some 300 pictures on Sunday afternoon when we got back home. I always think it is nice to have some pictures right after the event, so used my digital camera.

Shaved off my beard today...Sweetpea was not happy about it as she LOVES my beard, but was having some issues with it, as it has started growing in completely WHITE...not even gray, but pure as the driven snow white.  I suppose it is vanity on my part, or perhaps a last gasp effort to ignore just how old I am really getting, but it was bothering me to look in the mirror and see such a marker in my life staring accusingly at me from the other side.

Have spent the last few days working on another estimate for another job...not sure, but might be over pricing it a bit, perhaps because the job will not be as much fun.  Not a lot (if any) creative control of the process, but it is a big job.  It's in ONE OF THOSE neighborhoods, and found out speaking with a friend of mine that I need to get licensed and insured if I get the job.  Spent most of today filling out forms, making calls, and lining up insurance...a scary time for me, as it is a committment to building another business.  With my recent bout of health issues (heart problems a couple years back, gall bladder surgery, and of course this year the arm), being out of the loop for so long, and other self doubts have been a bit worried about jumping into another career, making such a financial committment of our funds.  Sometimes in life, being good has little to do with being successful...it is more about hard work, a little luck and even meeting or knowing the right people.  I'd feel a lot better about the whole thing if I had enough customers already lined up to say buy a new pick up truck (which I am going to need), a trailer, and a few pieces of major equipment I am sorely lacking at the moment to go after bigger jobs.  Also thinking I should look into some classes, since I am running into my dreams on nothing more than raw talent and a belief in what I can make happen in transforming a yard. 

Funny, being honest about it, at twenty something, would not even think about all of this, but instead would simply jump into the deep waters and start swimming.  In some ways, still doing that, but there is a fear that was not there before, perhaps a fear born out of knowing I am almost fifty, and that this may be my last chance at another great adventure.  I remember that first year after my mother died, and all of the first's without her.  First Easter, birthday, Christmas and the like were each their own separate bittersweet moments.  Now in some ways as I move fully into this time we refer to as middle age, I find myself wondering in that same bittersweet way how many things I am doing for one last time in my life.  I have a bike I want to get back on to, but have been putting it off...I used to be a bike messenger in San Francisco, have biked from New York to Ohio in five and one half days, even mountain biked the slick rocks out in Moab, Utah...deep down inside, I know that kind of biking is gone forever for me, and perhaps that contributes to why I have not gotten back on my bike, as it will be a full acceptance of that reality.  Not riding, I can kid myself, pretend a false bravado that I can still ride like I used to...again, that vanity peeking through.

Rubibng a crystal ball and making a wish.  A year from now, would love to have one of those two door Hummers with the pick up truck rear end on it, my company logo in gold leaf on high gloss black, leather interior, and a matching enclosed trailer (wells cargo) towed behind.  Maybe have a flat bed to haul around a custom painted high gloss black back hoe for those bigger jobs, and a back log of fun grounded customers who appreciate my creative flair, and give me free rein in creating them a peaceful yard.  Not a lot of customers, as I prefer LARGE jobs that present big challenges both mentally and creatively.  Be nice to clear off some of our debt...would feel a lot more comfortable if we could clear off the home equity loan on our house, and wipe out our credit card debts.  Eliminating that debt would make it a lot easier for us to stay in this large house, which is what Sweet Pea really wants, as she (being honest) really does not want to, nor is ready to downsize and admit we are getting older and have no business living in a fifteen room house...looking back on my now missing beard, hard to really fault her.  We each approach this passing into our Golden Years in a different fashion.

I want a sports car...I have a Hyundai Tiburon right now, and it is by all rights a sports car, but NOT REALLY.  For starters, the speedometer only goes up to 120 which puts it at the bottom of the pile when it comes to a TRUE SPORTS CAR.  Secondly, its a hard top!  I want a convertible DAMMIT! I want something with some SERIOUS POWER, something that is destined to get me more traffic tickets than a man my age is supposed to have...especially since I know Sweet Pea would have a heart attack if I suddenly decided I was going to get a serious motor cycle at my age.  Say one of those custom numbers from Orange County Chopper.  If any one has connections, would love to replace my old 66 Plymouth Fury III convertible, then have one of those shows that steals it and jazzes it up stop by and surprise me!  Custom paint job, a serious BIG BLOCK engine, outragous rims, and a sterio that will wake the dead...OH, and in these new fangled times we live in, want those TV's in the head rests as well, and I want DSL wireless hook up and a KILLER computer with lots of RAM.

Other things on my wish list...another trip to Maui for an extended vacation.  We just loved it there, and the earth energy is like nothing I have ever experienced before.  Want to take Sweet Pea back to Italy...I've never been, but she has, and I know she has a special affinity for Italy, especially Florence and Pompei.  Before I get to old, want to take a polar bear expedition in Alaska, and been told that Costa Rica is a must place for a trip...want to stay in a hotel up in the trees and commune with the monkeys...anyone know if they are still performing?  Trying to remember, wasn't that a really cool GTO that they drove around in when they had their TV show?  Greek Islands are another place I'd like to see, and both New Zealand and Australia are trips I'd leap at the chance to take.  Any one out there need a personal travel assitant...I could carry your luggage, or maybe walk your poodles!  Hey, maybe the Hilton sisters would hire me!  Thinking they have a heavy travel schdule, and I could get to where they are going ahead of them, act as their set up crew!  Find all the best night clubs for them, find various places for them to hide out in where they were sure to be seen since we all know how much they love publicity and being in the tabloids.  This could work.

Well, enough of my mindless rambling.  It's good to be back posting, and hope all my friends here on Bravenet are doing well.  For now, best close this post and take care of a few things I need ready for work tomorrow. 

Dream Dragon

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